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Oct. 3rd, 2007

killer

(no subject)

Go away, come back, it’s all still the same. And that has never been a more comfortable thought. I still love you, I still hate you. Arm can cramp, heart can quicken, I’m okay with it. It’s happened a million times, it'll happen a million times again. I am content.

Aug. 9th, 2007

the offer

(no subject)

Please don’t ever tell me not to love with all my heart and not to adore so violently ever again.
Why the fuck should I hold back?
It doesn’t sound like you at all, and that pisses me off.

I’m going to do what feels right. And this really does.

Jul. 31st, 2007

applause

(no subject)

You are naïve
While I am an expert at feeling this way
And that’s not something that’s enviable.
But it’s something that I have had to deal with
And you have to deal with
Just like everyone else.

Let me revel just this once to see what it is like

Jul. 17th, 2007

killer

(no subject)

I’m checking religiously
Like what you’re up to is all that matters to me.
I’ve got nothing else to think about, I guess, so why not?
As long as you don't find out
And I keep my secrets
And my obsessions
And mindless rambling
To myself

Everything will be okay

Jul. 12th, 2007

applause

(no subject)

I’m starting to hate it here.
I’m getting so sick of the same fucking food everyday
I’m getting so sick of acting like I’m speaking to a two year old
I’m tired of the situation, I’m tired of the location and I’m tired of the company.
Now I’m feeling volatile.

Jul. 7th, 2007

yeah smoking is cool

(no subject)

There are flickering lights everywhere, and my eyes dance, confused, unsure where to look.

I peer into a neighbor’s window above me, and through the blades of the fan I see a woman with her arms over her head, swaying.
I blink, and she’s gone.
I blink again. She’s back.

Jul. 5th, 2007

the offer

(no subject)

They dropped like flies

I remember the days when I would say “we won”
Now should I say “I won”?
Because it feels good, but I don’t feel too triumphant. Cause it’s lonely here without you, and I’m not getting much companionship
And I miss both of you so much

Jun. 29th, 2007

killer

(no subject)

A little effort couldn't hurt . . .
If you could only see how much I’m putting in
And how unbalanced this is becoming
I think you’d be just as afraid
And just as bitter

I’m getting tired of waiting
And I don't know what I’ll do next
Or how hard I’ll push

Jun. 5th, 2007

killer

(no subject)

Well I guess I had it coming. Of course I can’t have too much fun without terrible repercussions.
I don't know what I expected. But I know I didn't expect this to be such a nightmare.
And I can’t get any support from anyone, really.

I’ll get over this myself.

Jun. 2nd, 2007

smoke

(no subject)

it’s just a song
that I never really liked
but it reminded me of you
so I stopped and sort of choked up
because I like to get dramatic over the littlest things
and while I’m not much to you
or anyone else really
you’re still the world to me

May. 28th, 2007

yeah smoking is cool

(no subject)

As much as I want to believe it
I can’t change you.

As much as I can push the boundaries,
You’ll always push back

You’ll always be judgmental, hypocritical and scared. It’s a pity; I thought we could be friends.

Apologies for the asshole post. I’m bordering full blown apathy.

May. 20th, 2007

the offer

(no subject)

I swear to god, you blow my mind.
All I can think is yes, yes, yes, and nothing else
I don’t know why, but I’ll still say I miss you.
I always will.

I want someone to turn my world upside down
Because everything looks so much better that way

May. 17th, 2007

applause

(no subject)

We’re strangers.
It’s more than perplexing… it’s frightening.
I think I could watch you all day like the old lady behind the curtains, or like the voyeur in a tree, staring, blinking, wondering who you are now.

I can’t help but believe I got the short end of the stick.

May. 15th, 2007

killer

(no subject)

I’m starting to think I can’t trust you
Because I can’t really remember who you used to be

I do remember the first thing I said to you
And I hope I can still say it in fifty years
Because I mean it now
And I’ll still mean it then

May. 14th, 2007

yeah smoking is cool

(no subject)

Eyes open
Eyes shut
One foot at a time
I’m on a fucking roll.

I really had no place to hide
Except in a corner where I could watch a girl put on makeup
While blinking off my own

I’m so thankful to have someone to come home to again.

May. 4th, 2007

the offer

(no subject)

I’m drunk, and feeling forsaken.

Feeling stupid. And dejected. And really caught up.

And again, it’s just a matter of getting used to this. That’s what I do, I get over it. I move on, and I don't change a thing.

But I wish this was just a bad dream.

May. 3rd, 2007

applause

(no subject)

Sometimes I have a hard time believing that you are real
And believing that you are so close
While you’re so far away

You say so many things that should make me hate you
But I can’t
I couldn’t
Why would I want to?

I’m at a loss for words

May. 1st, 2007

killer

(no subject)

“What are you growing up there?”
“Uh … flowers”
IT’S WEED IT’S WEED IT’S WEED IT’S WEED I’M A LIAR
“Cool, we’ve got grow lights in the basement, you know”
FOR MY WEED? GEE THANKS DAD, I’M A FUCKING LIAR

Should I feel bad about this? He’ll realize eventually, won’t he?

Apr. 30th, 2007

smoke

(no subject)

Today I started walking to the bus stop
And then kept walking
For fifteen minutes
Before turning around and going back to bed

I guess I expected to cringe, and to fidget, and to think so much that I cannot get to sleep ...
But what happened to having no regrets?

Apr. 26th, 2007

smoke

(no subject)

Like everyone else on the planet I want only what I can’t have, and hate what I can.

There are so many things that I should’ve done.
And SO MANY that I shouldn’t have. I can’t get over this. I want to tell the truth. I want to say everything

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